-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- You have to think about picking up girls the exact same way you think about picking up a box . You just do it . Seriously . After working with thousands of men all around the world , I have found that the common issue holding men back with women is that `` thing '' on top of their shoulders . It thinks , analyzes and makes excuses , so rejection is self-inflicted before women even get a chance to do it .

Here are six secrets men need to know about women to help them stop that `` thing '' in their head from destroying their dating life :

Women have baggage , too , especially the attractive ones . You think insecurity and low confidence are only for those who are fat , bald and ugly ? Not so , my friend . Just because a woman is hot does not mean that her life is perfect . Remember , beauty does not equal perfection . It 's simply one thing about a woman that she literally wears on her sleeve .

Women prefer personality to looks . As a woman , I know this to be very true . But I also know it 's a tough one for men to swallow . Obviously , in the first five seconds , she judges a man based on his looks . But after that , something interesting happens : A man 's face shifts according to how he makes a woman feel . A hot man can become hideous , and an average-looking man can become the sexiest guy in the room . What women are really attracted to has nothing to do with appearance . It has to do with the character a man projects . A man who is calm , cool , collected , comfortable and confident will trump an Abercrombie model every time .

Women DO NOT like bad boys . Not sure who started this rumor , but they must be shot immediately . Women do not sit around with their girlfriends and say `` Oh , Marni , I ca n't wait to meet a lazy , unreliable jerk who treats me poorly and feeds on my insecurities . '' Women like nice guys , not wimps , pushovers or pleasers ; nice guys with a backbone and strong sense of self .

There 's no `` right '' line , but there 's a right way to say it . If I had four men approach me using the same , tried-and-tested pickup line , do you think I would be attracted to all four of them ? Maybe , but highly unlikely . I can tell you that if the right man with the right character came up to me and said `` banana , banana , banana , '' I would giggle like a little schoolgirl and instantly feel attraction for him .

There is never a bad time to approach a woman . Women want to be approached , as long as it 's by the right person . If you see a girl you like , stop , breathe and think to yourself , `` She 's adorable . I want to talk to her and see if I like her . '' Notice the `` I want '' and the spirit of figuring out what you like . Until you get to know this girl , it 's about you , not her .

Women want you to respect them , not admire them . So stop putting women you know nothing about on pedestals . Yes , they 're hot , yes other men may want them , but that does not mean that all self-respect gets thrown out the door . Respect yourself first , and women will follow .

So use these lessons as the first step to eliminating the anxiety that `` thing '' produces . The second part is getting out there and practicing . Sitting on your couch watching `` Law & Order '' is not going to bring you results with women .

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Here are six secrets men need to know about women so they do n't destroy their dating life

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A man who is comfortable and confident will trump an Abercrombie model every time

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There is no right line to say to a woman , but there is a right way to say it